Desperado...Why Don't You Come To Your Senses?

"Love is patient, love is kind...love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love never ends."  Except in Playa del Carmen.

There are two kinds of men in the City of Broken Hearts ~ the Disappearing Man and the Desperate Man.

Why do men leave?  Why did he disappear?  Did he see something in my medicine cabinet?  I didn’t mention my ex, I didn’t talk about kids or marriage (none of which I want anyways), I was fun, sexy, spontaneous, adventurous, I followed all of Matthew Hussey’s moves - what went wrong? Did my hair go flat?

How come men can't come away from a date and let it have a natural flow, let it unfold, and not have to get desperate or disappear?  Men can be the desperate ones these days, yearning for commitment, and women are running like there is a fire!  Men either want forever the first night or they disappear.  Why can't they just be normal and let the relationship proceed in its own natural way?  They start texting me incessantly, one even said he didn’t think he could breathe without me in his life, oh cielos, he was 55 years old!  This really scares women.  How come there is no middle ground?

I guess this all comes from my recent work in weddings, every day I see these people's images and I think, How are all these people getting together when I can't even get a date for a Friday night?  

I get asked a lot, “How is it possible that you are still single?”  It’s an easy answer: Because I want to be.  

If I meet one more guy who says he's in a "complicated relationship"…..what does this mean exactly?  I think Facebook started a trend with this term and people use it so loosely.  I have never said this, you are either with someone or you're not, can someone clarify this?  Because I just met this guy who is really great and then he lays it on me after we kissed that he's in a “complicated relationship” that he doesn't want to talk about.  So I'm thinking, he must have a kid with her or be separated.  When I found out the only thing complicated about it was that she went to visit a sick parent in another city, I told him, “I'm not willing to share you with another woman” and his response to that was "Me gusta compartir contigo” (Translation: I like to share myself with you) and I said, "We can share a taxi, or a pizza even, but not a BJ!" And he said, "OK, let's go for a pizza?!!"  Is "complicated" just a loop-hole for "FYI I have a girlfriend but I'm not happy so it's okay that I'm cheating?"

I was recently in a taxi and the trip was going to be about 30 minutes, so I figure I might as well make the most of it and chat up the driver. My friend pipes up in the back: “She’s always trying to get a date..." Well, I suppose this is somewhat true, it's like saying "Oh of course I don't want a boyfriend or a serious relationship" but with our attitudes and things we say it's like we have on our forehead a big big label saying "I'm so desperate, I'll take anyone/anything." 

But we do live in the "catch and release" capital of the world!  Most of my dates will only last 2-3 and then I just release the hook and throw them back in the ocean.  And as each relationship ends, I just smile and say, "Oh well, I’ll just have to keep living in paradise, be single, and remember there are plenty of fish in the sea!"

Lost in Translation - Part 2

Life is colorful, but very frugal in the village of Ek Balam.  I was invited here recently by my closest peeps to go on a Christian mission to this Mayan village where she works as a missionary.  

I’m not Christian.  Rather, I consider myself “spiritual".  I don’t belong to any one church, but am open to all, and have attended many Catholic and Christian churches for long periods of time, and have even explored Buddhism.  I definitely believe in one God, my God, the one who dwells inside of me but I don’t believe you have to go to church to have a relationship with Him.  So when I learned that I would have to sign a waiver before going, I was feeling a bit uncomfortable, knowing that my chief duty was photographer and second duty translator and not knowing what I might encounter in between.  One of the agreements in the waiver was:

“I commit to be a witness of the love of Jesus to the people we meet all throughout the trip.  I will do what is asked of me, even if it is uncomfortable”.

I’m not a rules girl, and when I read another one of the rules “I will not go off on my own at anytime during the mission trip” I knew I wouldn’t be able to sign it!  I’m a wanderer and don’t follow rules.  I decided to toss out the waiver and just go with an open heart and a positive attitude and go with the flow.

I knew there was a possibility that I would have to translate prayers for the villagers from English into Spanish, which made me a little bit uncomfortable as I have never prayed in groups nor in Spanish before.  I also knew that this princess might have to get dirty and pound some nails (er pour concrete?) to finish the school cafeteria so that the children can have better nutrition. I ended up doing all of this and more, even giving a mini massage course to a Mayan lady.

To be honest, I was most excited about the delicious food that the Mayans would prepare for us ~ these Mayan ladies are real pioneers who literally keep the home fires constantly burning.  I connected a lot with these ladies as it was similar to how I grew up on the farm ~ they live off the land and they make everything from scratch - they boil the harvested corn cobs with “Cal”, a toxic white substance used in construction, to make it softer, then they wash it and set it out to dry and then grind it to make tortillas.  Most of the villagers do not eat meat because of the poverty and mostly eat tortillas, beans and rice as their main staples.  I must have ate about 12 tortillas a day, we just don’t get these in the city!  I also got to take home a few coconuts from the tree on their property.  They also prepared an amazing hot cocoa with cinnamon for cold nights after dinner, which I learned they also toast the cocoa beans, then grind them and mix them into a paste with cinnamon, flatten it into a tablet the size of your palm and then heat milk and dissolve the tablet into the milk.

Homemade cocoa and cinnamon tablets and
dried squash shell is used to keep tortillas warm on the table 

Pumpkin with honey baked and served in the hard shell of the pumpkin

What I ended up experiencing was nothing scary or uncomfortable at all ~ just ordinary people, who wanted to go to the Mayan’s straw huts and just simply “love them up”, ask about their lives, what struggles they are faced with daily ~ not having enough food or medicine to provide for their families, dealing with severe illnesses and handicapped children, then offer up a warm hug and a prayer for them, and it turned out to be a lot of fun just sharing the love!  One thing I learned is that a smile and a hug in any language, be it Mayan, Spanish or English, all means the same!

The highlight of my trip was this one house visit I did with a Christian couple to the home of a woman who had fallen 2 years ago and hurt her knee and has not been able to walk since.  She has gained weight as a result of this and lives in constant pain and spends most of her days in a hammock resting while her family harvests beans to feed her family.  It’s amazing how much body language can speak because as I was introducing us and asking her how she was feeling, I was sure that she was understanding me and responding in Spanish, but her son assured us she does not understand or speak Spanish, only Mayan, so he was translating for us, then I translated to the Christian couple in English.  We got a bit lost in translation when the son told me that his mom goes out walking with the “burro” out back.  Burro means donkey, so I was explaining to them that she goes walking with a donkey every day and they were wondering, where is the donkey, what’s his name?  He pointed to the backyard.  They thought this was a bit odd, but me living in Mexico for a long time, and knowing many people have donkeys as pets, didn’t think much of it, until we figured out that a “burro” can also mean a medical walker!  We had quite a chuckle about this over dinner, how they were so surprised that she goes walking with a donkey everyday, thinking how would this work, did the donkey hold her up, when it was obvious she could barely move from her hammock.  While we prayed for her, I grabbed her leg and started massaging it and giving her some Reiki healing and the Christian couple thought that it was so odd (they didn’t know I was a massage therapist), later at dinner they said it would never occur to them to just pick up someone’s foot and start massaging it!  I guess that’s one of the occupational hazards, when I know someone is hurting, I just wanna help them!

Then we noticed that she had a small tray under her hammock with ashes and they told us that in cold months such as these they make a little fire to keep her warm at night.  This takes on a new meaning for “hot buns”.  The Mayans never sleep in beds, since birth they have been accustomed to this, even sleeping with their husband or wife in the same hammock.  I find it a challenge to even share a bed with someone, let alone a hammock!

Making these colorful hammocks is actually easier than knitting!

How Mayans have fun in the village:
working in a team to get one person to the top of a greased pole to retrieve a flag for a prize

I think the Mayans are starting to grow on me, as much as I don’t do hammocks (only for naps on the beach after eating myself into a Mexicoma) and I love hot showers, I got more accomplished in 30 hours in this tiny village than I have accomplished at home in one week!

Plan B = Burrito Day

There are a lot of beautiful things about Mexico.  Being late isn't one of them.  Being stood up isn't one of them.  It's just a small sacrifice for living in paradise...

I was having a discussion with my neighbor the other day and he's been here long enough to know better but I suspect he hasn't completely adjusted or fully understood the complexity of the Mexican disappearing act.  We got talking about how they don't answer their phones or text messages and he says perplexed, "When you send a text that says 'Hey, how are you doing, how was your day?', there should be an answer, shouldn't there?!"  The little wrinkle above his brow was furrowing.  He continued on, "And if you make plans with them, you need a Plan B all the time, which is so low."

So I ask him, "Why do you continue to date Mexicans when the experience can be so devastatingly painful and leave you feeling rejected all the time?"

He replies, “Because I’m in Mexico....and....um, there are a lot of them?!”  Hmmm....good, logical answer, but that would not be my reason.  I date them because they are the most passionate, loving and incredibly attentive individuals on the planet ~ the Mexican culture is a passionate one - definitely. They love hard, fight hard, work hard.  

Then he continues on, "When I meet up with a Mexican, now I set up a Plan B at my favourite routine places, and the last time I had a date they didn't show up but it was Burrito Day so I didn't mind!" 

Then I realized, no one had told him about the end of love in the City of Broken Hearts, or rather the lack of even the start of love here...or as my good friend expressed how her relationship unfolded here in Mexico: "I didn't fall in love, I fell into depression...when I have more fun with a guy in a wheelchair, you know there's a problem!"  It's sad to say this but nowadays we live in a disposable world even talking about interpersonal relationships.

There are many things I will never understand about Mexicans...why they blare the A/C in taxis and buses when it's rainy season and cold, why there are no sidewalks, why it takes them a year to pave the street over and over outside my apartment, why they don't answer their phones, why they can never be on time, why there are only 3 electrical plug-ins in my whole apartment and why they are not in a well-designed place, why they allow construction to go until 11pm at night and sometimes will start jackhammering at 2:30am, why they have roosters in the city, why they don't use their turning signals while driving, why they don't have seatbelts in the cars, why they don't have toilet seats, and then I wonder, could it be possible that they too are in Mexicomas?

Bloom Where You Are Planted

 

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but only 8 ways to leave this plane" - this was the captain speaking on my plane ride today.  In the past I would have been looking for any way to leave this plane and stay in Canada. 
But now, fast forward 12 years later and I am so excited to be heading back "home" to Mexico.  

I didn't cry this time.  Instead I am joyful to go back to the simple life, unbridled by materialism, riding my bicycle, going for walks on the beach, even the daunting task of cleaning up the mold and mildew left after the storms kind of excites me.  But most of all I'm especially eager to get back to the never-ending excitement and challenge of dating emotionally unavailable men who are already in complicated relationships on Facebook!  I am faced with going back to loneliness, an empty fridge, no one waiting for me, my small apartment, no pitter patter of any little feet and no daily free hugs but I get by with a little help from my friends.

I'm grateful for the way I grew up - wholesome, organic, grounded, close to nature, and grateful for where I have ended up now - blooming in a country that is not mine.  I see how adventurous I've become since living in Mexico, how I survived living here completely on my own, long after my Mexican boyfriend left.  Going to Canada has made me incredibly grateful for the lifestyle I have when I see my friends who have to commute 2 hours to work everyday, get in their cars to drive to the gym, live in the rain, deal with hectic traffic and spend hours shopping every Sunday at the mall!  It reminds me of that Shania Twain song, Ka-ching: "All they ever want is more, a lot more than they had before, so take them to the nearest store!"


Today I can honestly say that Mexico is the BEST thing that ever happened to me.  We don't always get what we planned for our lives.  As much as I resisted and was barely holding on most days, I've always thought of myself quite like the salmon, the one who swims against the current.  My life turned out so much better because I took the road less travelled, and because I didn't give up, and because I took a chance that even if it didn't work out, the gain if it did was so much greater.  I read a great quote the other day: "If you're not careful you'll get lost here and find that where you end up is better than where you had planned to go".  I now see the signs all around me, that I am right where I am supposed to be, blooming where I am planted.

But one thing I know for sure is...not all those who wander are lost.

On Canadian Time

For the first time in a long time, I am wearing a watch again.  It feels weird on my wrist, sort of like a gnawing reminder that now I must always know what time it is and have no excuses for running late, but while in Canada, I must be punctual!

Everything is just easy in Canada - banking, the post office, anything to do with government, everything is so organized.  If you have ever lived in Mexico, you may have noticed that everything is such a mess, er well to put it nicely ~ a real challenge for people to help you out at banks, customer service counters, etc.  I still haven't been able to get my new bank card from the city I used to live in, even after I authorized them to give the card to a family member who was travelling there and could bring it for me, they denied it because I didn't send the original letter, only the copy.  They have been holding my money and I have no access to it.  I must still be in Mexico because I enjoy a challenge!  

Customer service is something to be reveled at in Canada - the people genuinely really care about you and that you have a good experience in their store or restaurant.  I think that they might actually lose sleep over it if you are not happy and satisfied!  My sister and I were at our favourite restaurant and we had to wait a bit longer than normal for our food, but it was a full house and we were busy chatting, so we didn't mind.  We didn't even complain but after our meal, the manager came over and said, "We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to perform well for you and we're so sorry we didn't achieve that today for you, lunch is on us" - this would NEVER happen in Mexico!  You will get bad service and bad food and still have to pay for it.  I once ordered a tea at a cafe that I frequently visit in Mexico and it came very weak and with hardly any flavour, when I complained to the waitress that this was not how it normally was prepared she simply said, "Well, that's the way we serve it, take it or leave it!", turned her heels and didn't come back to the table.

But there is just one thing that is disconcerting….there is no 10% tip option in Canada on the debit machines at restaurants, only 15, 20 and 25%!!!  I’m like, “Where the heck is the 10% button?”  I quickly realized that my pesitos do not go very far in Canada!  Do people really tip as much as 25% to service workers in Canada for simply doing their jobs? This makes me grateful to be in Mexico!

We also got pulled over by a policeman and after a bit of scolding he empathetically said, "I'm not a traffic cop, so I'm going to let you off with a warning only, but just so you know, you could have been fined $400 dollars today, have a nice day now!"  In Mexico, they would never let you off with a warning.  Although they won't normally stop you for speeding in Mexico, as there are no real speed limits there, but for silly things like a headlight missing or for carrying extra-large boxes in the back of your car, you will have to give them some pesitos to let you go.

And while in Canada I have these silly "lost in translation days" where I will think in Spanish but speak in English and say, "We are going to the house of Ana" and my sister will say, "Why do you speak like that?"

I had a good chuckle when I eavesdropped one day on a random stranger's conversation about getting the Moctezuma's Revenge in Mexico:  "One minute I'm on the malecon sipping a corona and trying to learn silly Spanish and the next minute I'm in the hospital - it just shows you how quickly your life can change”.  I sure can relate to that!

My favourite thing to do in Canada is take long walks down the isles of the grocery stores...I just sigh and am in awe at how crisp and fresh everything is.  I bought these yams that were so lovely, no wrinkled skin, no moldy holes, not wilty, and of course fresh lettuces and homemade breads, oh my I'm in heaven!  The grocery stores in Mexico will sell really old, brown and wilted produce, you get used to it and accept the fact that all the good stuff gets exported to the 1st world countries and the crappy stuff stays there.

Canada

Mexico

Canada

Mexico

But would I give it all up and move home?  Nah, I like the adventure of being in a Mexicoma.  Although, I would like to get one of these signs:

I was at my niece's school the other day and they have signs up everywhere that say "Nut-free Zone", "No Nuts Allowed" with a big cross through them, I was tempted to ask the lady in the office cutting up those little signs if I could have one for my apartment door, if only we had that rule in the City of Broken Hearts my life would be a lot easier!

Temporarily Out of Mexicoma

"Be grateful for marriage" - That was my response when I arrived at my sister's home in Canada a few weeks ago for vacation.  I opened her fridge and said, "Wow, what a difference from a single person's fridge!" - it was totally stocked!  Then I went straight for the liquor cabinet for my "welcome home" drink, and found an abundance of unopened bottles of booze.  I said, "I love being in married people's homes, they have every kind of liquor you can imagine!" (because they don't drink as often as single people I suppose, or maybe they just don't have time?).

I've underestimated the kindness of Canadians.  I often complain that Canadians are boring, too disciplined, not adventurous and not-so-friendly.  On my morning walks in the city or riding on the metro, most people are tuned out with their headphones on, looking down at their phone and won't look up to see my smiling face and rarely say hello unless I say it first.  So I amuse myself by imagining little scenarios to get their attention.  Mostly, I dream up things like ambushing them with a WWE wrestling hold or extreme dives, somersaults, running up behind them for a leap frog piggy back.  It’s not likely I will ever act on these fantasies, but they do keep me smiling while everyone else is disconnected.  I'm just used to Mexicans who are always in the present moment, who acknowledge me, look me in the eye and say, "Buenos Dias, how's your day?"

But today that all changed.  I was walking in the small retirement community of my parents, Population: 1,000 (that's including cows and deer) when we came across a man out walking his dog who had a sign outside his home that said, "Honey for sale".  I asked him, "Do you really sell honey here?"  His eyes lit up and he started talking about his real passion - bee keeping, then invited us in for a cold Cariboo Genuine Draft beer and sat us down to watch a documentary on June the Honey Bee…I was so impressed how these country folks just welcomed us into their living room and they don't even lock their doors at night.  I miss this type of trust and hospitality that Canadians have.  I caught myself counting my change at the store the other day and then I realized, "Oh, I don't have to do that because the people are honest here".

Deer are friendly and walk around freely in the backyards of people's homes

My Mexican friend explains it this way: I grew up surrounded by rainbows, unicorns, nature, lakes and waterfalls, and in Mexico she grew up with crime, corruption, poverty, garbage and pollution.

I just love these country folks, they're always bringing over saskatoon and rhubarb pies, tending to their gardens or spending all their free time making jam or canning vegetables and the people are so fat here!  

One of the neighbours asked me where I lived and when I told her she threw back her head in laughter and said, "Oh ya, everyone runs off to get married in Mexico, either that or to get killed!!!!"  Then she proceeded to tell me about the Canadian guy who fell off a balcony at a Mexican resort and they found him in a tree upside down "dead as a gnat" ~ these are stories I have to hear over and over about Mexico.  My advice to them is always the same: "Just don't lean on any balconies".

The 3-D Years

I'm not ugly.  I consider myself attractive.  At least I've never had to beg a man to touch me, nor worry that he may steal from me, until now.  In the City of Broken Hearts, this has become quite the norm for me…I'm afraid I will never feel again that deep love that is unspoken and shared between two people - true love, passion, trust, friendship, laughter, fun.  Lately I'm just missing holding someone and feeling that unspoken trust between two people, not worrying are they going to rob me or take advantage of me?

I've been trying to come up with my worst dating story in the history of living here and I've been really holding off on writing about this but sometimes I cannot believe that a man like this actually exists...this guy really takes the prize…he's a real piece of work!

Here you can date any nationality that you wish, but I can tell you, they're all the same, they all want a woman to maintain them.

So our first date, we agreed to meet at a cheap place on a Wednesday night, it was ladies night so they have 15 peso wine and tapas (my "pretendiente" chose the place).  When we met there, the restaurant was closed.  The first thing out of his mouth was, "Well, you're rich, you can invite me somewhere nice?" (FYI: "invite" in Spanish translates into "you will pay for me"...this is why I'm single).  I said, "No, I don't maintain men, but I know of a great place where we can get 60 peso tortas."  "60 Pesos???!!!" He replies with horror on his face. "Oh no, that's way out of my budget".  I suggest another alternative, 18 pesos pizza by my house?  He agrees, so after I suggest we go to the beach and he says, "Oh no, I have tennis shoes on and I don't think it's really safe to go at night and you might take advantage of me".  So I'm thinking, Where's your sense of adventure?  You don't have any money, so what else are we gonna go?  We ended up making out on the beach and he of course wanted everything the first night (a common trait among men here).  I told him I wanted to get to know him better, and didn't he also?  He said flat out, "No, I don't want to get to know you better, why?  In my country we have sex like eating, it's just a daily activity for us".  So he refused to continue kissing and pulled away and pulled out a word that I am getting used to hearing….wait for it….he said I was "complicated".

As women, we read a lot of magazine articles that tell us that we should hold off on having sex, that men will think we are too easy and lose interest, and that we are not enough of a challenge if we give in too soon, but if we don't now we are labelled "complicated".  What gives?

So he took me to another bar that had ladies night, smart guy right, so he doesn't have to pay for me, but little did he know I don't drink much so I ordered a water!  He asks me, "Look around, aren't there any guys here you're interested in?"  I reply, "No, I'm interested in you, stupid idiot!"  He says, "No, you're too complicated of a woman, we are just gonna be friends."

So then he says (while rolling his eyes):  "I suppose you want me to walk you home, where do you live?"  When I tell him the address, he says, "All the way down there?!!  It's so faaaaar…I'll do it if you pay for my taxi home after."  (it's a 10 min. walk).  I thought men like to be the protectors, don't they?  I've never had a man refuse to walk me home!

Date No. 2: we go to his house for tacos on his terrace, as he lives in a sketchy neighborhood with lots of stray biting dogs, I asked him to accompany me to the main road (I had my bike to get home this time) and he was complaining again, that he was tired, I mean come on!  He acts like I'm asking too much!

Date No. 3: we agreed to go to that cheap place again, when texting I mentioned that I was working late and he texted back, "Oh, you worked today? Good, then you can pay for your own dinner".  There was no need for this attitude, I'm anything but a gold digger and so far had only cost him a slice of pizza and some tacos!  This time he was telling me how cute he thought the hostess was and where did she go?  And that why is it that when I'm with him, all of a sudden there are so many beautiful women to talk to, and when he goes out alone there is no one?  Then he tells me not to walk so close to him, that people might think we are a couple.  He's acting all aloof, like we are just friends.

So we have our first fight, I tell him I'm taking a taxi home, he says, "Good, then you won't ask me to walk you home!" (like it's so far, lazy ass).  He pulls my hand and says, "Come on, you have to come to this party, at least be educated and say goodbye to my friends, you are a polite lady".  I said, "No, actually I have pilates in the morning and then I have to work".  He says, "Oh and you HAVE to go to pilates? Come on, you are out with me having fun, why are you like this?"

I'm thinking, Because I'd rather sleep more and go to pilates than spend one more minute with you!  I texted him later that I was disappointed that he isn't affectionate with me in public, to which he replied, "Sorry, but I'm not used to being attached with anyone in public."  It's not like I wanted to define the relationship, but a little touch on the shoulder or kiss to acknowledge that I am present would be appreciated.

Date No. 4: we go for dinner on the beach, I mention how excited I am about buying a new camera.  He says, "Why didn't you tell me you were looking for a camera, I would have stolen you one and you give me the money"  (I thought he was joking).  The thing that irks me is that he did nothing to impress me apart from his charm and good looks.  It was all about what can I do for him.  This certain nationality is known for it's culinary expertise, so I asked him when he would cook for me, he says, "No, I have to buy too many things, another time, why don't you cook for me?"  Then said, "When are you going to give me a massage?"  Then another time, "I'm hoping to go to my country when someone can buy me a ticket".

I've never been so turned on sexually but at the same time so repulsed by someone mentally.  I invited him to my apartment, thinking, To hell with it - at least we can have sex, considering the staggering amount of chemistry I felt with him.  I'm touching him all night, caressing him, want to be close, he says he can't sleep so close to me, that he is hot, when I touch his hand he pulls away.  I woke once in the night to him pulling the small blanket off me slowly to cover himself!  He complains upon awakening that I woke him up at 6am when I touched his back.  There was no good morning kiss.  I made him coffee and crepes and he looked perplexed and said, "Are these integral crepes?" (not very impressed I could tell).  Then he says, "I like your place, the only thing I don't like is the toilet seat, if I find one I will steal you one".

I said, "You steal things?!!!  Why?"  He says, "To get money to pay my bills".  This was the last straw.  OK, I'm used to dating poor men, but now I have to worry about men stealing from me?!!

Then he said, "We should leave the building separately because everyone knows me around here, I will go out first then you leave a few minutes later".

His last words were, "Did I leave anything behind?"  

I whispered, "Just your bad energy".

The only reason I can think of for continuing to see him is that I must have been in my 3-D years:  Desperate, Delusional and in Denial.  Or still in a Mexicoma?!

Tulum

Tulum is a very special place, still (amazingly) unspoiled by American tourism. The sand feels a little bit finer under your feet and it's a little bit whiter here due to less traffic and pollution.  Most of the resorts are eco-friendly, rustic, bungalow-type style and have a hippie, artesanal, organic, raw, yoga, meditative, wholesome, new-age, laidback, topless (or bottomless as I shockingly saw this time) feel to them!  

There are no all-inclusive resorts here, and this is definitely not on my list of "most frugal" places to go, unless you stay downtown in a hostel and eat at Aguachiles everyday, but where's the fun in that when there is a whole strip of cool and trendy restaurants and bars to try on the beach?  There are some very over-priced glorified camping places marketed as luxury eco-chic "bikini bootcamps", which I avoid at all costs.

How to Get Here:

45 min. from Playa del Carmen: take colectivo van from Calle 2 and 20 Ave.

Vans leave every 5 min. - $40 pesos fare

Where to Stay:

When I commented to my friend that it was a little out of my "frugal" budget, she convinced me to stay at this place with only 4 letters: "YOLO".  I said, "This must translate into AHAU in Mayan!"

AHAU TULUM

www.ahautulum.com

Bungalows - $900 pesos per night with fan and private bathroom

I woke up with the sound of the ocean and it was the first thing I saw, which felt amazing, then behind my hut was this raw/organic food kitchen and the "chef" was a very nice hippie Argentinian guy who prepared me a passion fruit/mango/pineapple/banana/probiotic/moringa flower shake for breakfast.  

Here is my bungalow facing the ocean and I can honestly say that life never felt this great before.

The main restaurant here serves delicious fish tacos - $140

If you want luxury:

Coqui-Coqui Hotel is very "sexy-sexy" for celebrity sitings and check out their boutique for artesanal perfumes, candles, massage oil, clothing, accessories - all homemade in Mexico.

Most unusual item:  tobacco perfume.  I ended up splurging on a perfume called "coco coco" because I wanted to smell like the beach!

Where to Eat:

Los Aguachiles

Downtown centro
Here you can eat frugally, healthy tacos are 20-30 pesos each

"Agua chidos" - lettuce tacos with ceviche

Oriental rice with watercress and prawns

JAGUAR - located right across the street from Ahau 

Organic, wholesome, hippie restaurant

Expensive option but as my friend says: "YOLO!" (you only live once).  

130 pesos for exotic fresh fruit cocktails such as hibiscus flower with basil, tamarind with coconut and lime or mango with mint.

170 pesos for brick oven pizza with shrimp

Best Ice Cream:  

Panna e Cioccolato
Artesanal ice cream, located downtown centro. 

Try their unique flavors such as cinnamon, chocolate with chile or corn!

Best Beach

Playa Azul - Hotel and Beach Club
If you just want to come for the day this is the best option as they provide a palapa for free as long as you consume.  Don't be deterred by hotel entrances, all of the hotels allow you to come in and try their restaurants even if you are not a guest.
(*may be closed in low season)

Mango, apple and cherry tomato ceviche

How to Get Around:

It's not cheap to get around in Tulum.  If you go by taxi, they will charge you 80-100 pesos to get from downtown to the hotel zone.  Rent a bicycle for 100 pesos a day or a moped for 300 pesos a day from the downtown area.  If you are lucky, you may catch the employee van that goes from the hotel zone to downtown every hour for 10 pesos.

The REAL Housewives of Mexico - Part 2

Ahhhh, where it all began...

So I went back to Irapitsburg last week and caught up with my old housewife friends...

Typical conversation with housewives of Irapuato:

"You guys are drinking now??!" I ask, surprised, to which they reply, "Well, it's after 12, and when you knew us before you only saw us at breakfast!"

"How much do you pay per slug?" asks D. out of the blue.

T. says, "you know what works the best? Beer traps!"

My interest perked immediately. "What are those?", I ask, "sounds interesting…what do you catch besides husbands?!"  

"Slugs and snails, not males, u wanna catch a husband?" T. replies

Then D. continues to talk about how the white flies have made this foamy infestation on her plants in her garden.

Nice conversations over lunch wouldn't you say?  Definitely conversations in the City of Broken Hearts do not go like this!  Our conversations are more revolved around alcohol, cigarettes and who we partied with the night before.  Actually I was complaining how at the beach there are no baptisms, no first communions, no weddings, no family reunions, I'm totally out of the social circles here.  The only circles I'm in are Alcoholics Anonymous.  No one has gardens, families or warm pots of soup stewing on the stove.  Instead, we are alone, eat take out pizza leaning over the sink and have affairs we try to forget as quickly as possible!

I was driving in a car for the first time since I left Irapuato, and there it is a whole different ball game....you have to be on the constant lookout for mopeds, bicycles, street carts, honking taxis and buses that are weaving in and out of traffic, cutting you off, people are rushing, stressed out and honking at the lights...in Playa we do not have this kind of stress!

Irapuato

Irapuato is famously known as "Ciudad de Las Fresas" for its main agricultural product is strawberries.  I like to call it Irapitsburg or the "snuggly city".  I doubt the people who live here actually appreciate its charm and beauty like I do.  Every city in Mexico has a central square downtown that has a main church much like this one.  The downtown square of Irapuato has a lovely garden area trimmed to perfection and you will see many couples snuggling on the benches under the trees, people getting their shoes shined, children playing and people scurrying around in the markets. 

What I noticed about Irapuato is that the people are extremely warm, hospitable and welcoming, and you can usually bargain with them in the markets.  People are just so genuinely happy here and they like to open doors for you, always giving you the right of way.

How to Get Here:

40 min. car ride from Leon airport, taxis will charge $440 pesos from airport to Irapuato, unfortunately there are no buses.  Taxis will charge between 35-40 pesos to get you anywhere around town.

Where to Stay:  I have never had to stay in a hotel as my friends always take me in, but this one would be my choice if I had to choose:

San Francisco Hotel - located right in the heart of downtown.

What to Do:
Enjoy the many tianguis and street markets (there are different ones each day), eat lots of tacos and tamales, have a coffee in this little side street downtown at the Cafe Valakia:

"Escogele, escogele señora, todo a 20 pesos!"

Mercado Hidalgo

Every day is market day!

Where to Eat:

So let's start with the tacos...I really believe there is no greater place in Mexico for tacos than Irapitsburg.  I have asked other taquerias to grill the cheese and they won't do it, that is what makes these tacos so unique!

Los Catrines - Calle Isabel 2113, Colonia La Hacienda

Hours: 5:30pm to 12:30am 

*Closed on Tuesdays

Volcanes ~ they grill the cheese onto a mini tostada, top it with beans, bistek or chorizo, onion, cilantro and green salsa.

Risueña ("smiley one") is the name of the red salsa, because it means you will be smiling on the toilet the next day with diarrea!  Roger, the owner, is a funny character who will ask you which one you want, always ask for the green as it's milder!  And he will offer you a cigarette for dessert!

Los Pinguinos - located at the stadium

Tacos/quesadillas de pastor where they grill the cheese onto a flour tortilla, stuff it with flamed pastor meat and top it with lime juice and green avocado salsa.

El Prieto ~ Located on Calle Torres Landa

The best carne asada in Irapuato and the best bang for your buck

*Closed on Mondays

$139 for all this: guava juice, half order of arrachera, chorizo, mini grilled onions, beans, salsa "machacada" and 2 homemade corn quesadillas

El Sitio - Located in Vips Plaza

Tacos de Jicama is one of their signature dishes, very unique ~ they take very finely sliced jicamas and stuff them with avocado, panela cheese, carrots and crab meat, drizzled with soya sauce and sesame seeds - $75 pesos

Lorno ~ Located in Vips Plaza

I love their BBQ Chicken pizza, instead of tomato sauce they use BBQ sauce, topped with grilled chicken, purple onions, cilantro and served with chimichurri sauce for dipping - $120 pesos